Dear Coach ...

Dear Coach,

I am the parent of the kid you keep “on the bench”.  He’s the quiet one, the one who works hard each and every practice, who gives you everything he’s got, and then goes home tired.  Never once have you heard him say “give me the ball!” or “I really, really want to play such and such a position”.  You also never hear him complain.  If he isn’t put into a game, he won’t say a word.  He’ll just stand there, on the sidelines, wondering what he did wrong, why you don’t like him, why he doesn’t get a chance to hit hard out there on the field like he does at every practice. 

For a while, he’ll try harder at the practices, hoping that it will get him noticed by you.  After the number of great, hard hitting practices rack up, and the number of plays in the actual games do not, he starts to lose hope.  He begins to become discouraged.  He comes home and says things like “I suck.  The coach hates me.   The team hates me.  I’m no good to anyone out there … and they don’t want me.”  He stops believing his parents who tell him he IS good, and the coach does NOT hate him, nor anybody on his team.  Eventually he stops wanting to play the game at all, since he comes away feeling discouraged and insecure.  And after a while, he quits trying so hard in the practices.  After all, it doesn’t make a bit of difference.

I’m the parent of that incredible kid.  I see in him the huge potential, the heart, and the strength of body and of spirit.  I entrusted him to you because I believed that you would help draw out of him that talent, that you would teach him what sportsmanship, teamwork and working hard at something means.  You coach the sport he wants to learn, yet you left him on the bench during the games.  Not just some of the time, ALL of the time.  You taught him that sometimes it does NOT pay to work hard and be a good sport.  You taught him that being on the team means you’d better be a coaches kid or you are not going to get to play … no matter how hard you work.  As the parent of that kid, I am heartbroken, disappointed … and angry.  I entrusted my incredible kid to you for a season, and now I need to undo all the things you taught him, because they were not the things I hoped he would learn.

This particular kid never wanted to be a ball handler.  He only wanted to knock people down.  He liked hitting hard, and he was good at it.  I cannot comprehend why you would not take advantage of that desire.  Teach him the techniques to do it better and more efficiently and then let him play.  One of the strongest kids on the team, one who never quit, sat on your bench during most of the games.

He wasn’t the only on, there were quite a few others.  Kids who don’t understand why they didn’t get to play and parents who have to try and explain it to them.  Parents who now do not know if their child will want to  come back next year and aren’t sure if they should press the issue when the result of this season was hurt and disappointment.

I’m the parent of the kid you kept on the bench.  You, the coach, are the parent of the kid you put IN the game.  How would you feel if the situation were reversed?

Angry?  Disappointed?  Frustrated?

Yeah.  That’s how we feel, too.

Common Sense

My husband watches the news. I make that a sentence unto itself because I prefer not to. Unfortunately, I do end up seeing far more of it than would be my preference, as I live in the same house as him. While I sit and listen, I can feel my blood pressure rising, my stress levels increasing, my happiness decreasing. Where is the common sense in politics?

Right now every report is about the direness of the debt ceiling situation. Obama and the democrats state that if it is not raised, the sky is going to fall. The republicans refuse to sign anything into law that does not include drastic spending cuts. Both sides refuse to work together to come up with a solution unless the other side moves over to their way of thinking. There is no center, there is only my way or the highway.

There are no jobs, therefore unemployment is out of control. Unfortunately, it is outrageously expensive to be a business owner in this country. In our efforts to provide the best possible work environments, while keeping every semi-endangered insect safe, we have priced our selves right out of the employment market. Smart business owners are moving out of the country, where the taxes and the minimum wages are lower. Nobody wants to invest their time, effort, creativity and hard-earned dollar into something that is doomed to fail from the start as a result of government restrictions, guidelines and taxation.

We can no longer afford Medicare and Social Security as they stand. The people paying for these programs will never see a dime of their money. Thanks to governments continual borrowing from this account, it is unsustainable. However, if someone dares to bring up changing the qualifications or cutting the benefits, the people currently benefiting from it put their collective feet down and yell "keep your hands off my money!" I can completely understand their dilemma. Most of them worked their entire adult lives, paying into these funds from their paychecks each and every week, expecting that they would collect upon retirement. Now they are retired and they are collecting. The fact that the money they put into it has been mishandled by the government and is GONE does not matter. The government owes them and, by golly, they will pay out every cent. Trouble with this thinking is that it's not the government who will be affected ... it is our children and grandchildren. At this point, it is not a benefit, a retirement option, a health care option for anyone under the age of 50. It is just another tax. Only on this tax, there are no deductions you can take to offset some of the cost. It's just money you pay into an account that you will never see again. Fun!

Common sense. In my house, when the dollars going out exceed the dollars coming in, we get rid of the things that are taking us over our budget. I love having DVR and watching TV in High Def, however, if we are suddenly without funds, those are 2 of the first things to get cut. I would love to have a brand new car, but, the one I am currently driving is OK and it is paid off ... so I stick with what I have. We don't live in the same state as any other member of our family, but the cost of fuel is outrageous right now, so I have to put off visiting until we can afford it. No matter how much it hurts them or us, we all have to suffer until the economy (and fuel prices!) improve. Flying or driving is simply not an option. Vacations to idyllic destinations are definitely not in the cards, no matter how hard we work and deserve the stress break. I have credit card debt, therefore, nothing gets paid for with credit until I get that paid off. I don't call MasterCard and ask them to raise my debt ceiling. I drop my spending and pay it off.

Common sense says the US Government can no longer afford to keep going as it currently is. In any other "corporation" this would mean lay-offs. Sorry, your salary is no longer something we can afford, you need to find a new job. Good Luck. If they can not come up with a plan that decreases spending drastically, we can't afford to keep them on staff. Not to mention all their subordinates. If I was CEO, I would make my department heads balance their individual budget ... show where they are bringing in the money and justify how it is being spent. If they can't do that, I would overhaul the department myself. Probably by eliminating it, or cleaning house and hiring new people at lesser salaries.

Listen up, Washington. We can't afford you. We can't afford welfare, social security, medicare, nation building, regime overthrowing, endowments for the arts, national parks and paying top dollar for fuel from other countries because we don't want to dirty up our own backyard.

Listen up, America. If you don't put money into an account, we can't afford to let you withdraw from it. If you have been on welfare for more than 5 years, I'm sorry, it's time to get off. If you can't afford to have children, don't have unprotected sex. If you can't afford to buy groceries, buy seeds and grow your food. If you can't afford your house, sell it and move somewhere that you can afford. If you can't afford food and shelter, then you certainly can't afford a car, cell phone, television or any other luxury item. It's not your right to own. It is, however, your right to work and purchase. If you choose to *purchase* a new television with all the money you have, don't expect me to pay for your food. It's not the job of the government to take care of the sick, ailing or the elderly. That is the job of the family, the church, the community. If you want to have security in your later years, save your money in your early years. Preferably somewhere where the government can't get to it because we have seen how well they plan and save. The mattress is looking pretty good right now.

Yep, it's gonna hurt. Yep, we are going to have to give up some things. But, holy cow, come on, guys, it's time to use the brain that your creator endowed you with and activate a little common sense.

Seriously.

Gay Marriage

I have spent a lot of time over the past few months contemplating the pros and cons of gay marriage. As a *Conservative*, it seems I am expected to automatically be against it. But it’s simply not that cut and dry for me. As a Christian, it is also expected that I would sign any petition passed my way against it. Again, not that cut and dry … and mostly it is because I am a Christian that I find it difficult to stand so opposed.

Here’s the thing … love is a really good thing. In fact, I would guess it is one of the greatest gifts God created within us … the ability to love another person so much that we would want to tie ourselves together permanently. I can not believe that God would create within people love for someone, and then be cruel enough to force them to live without that love. I could never condemn a homosexual person to a life without love and intimacy simply because the person they have fallen in love with is of the same sex.

Sexual immorality is performing intimate acts with someone you have not built a relationship with which is worthy of intimacy. There should be no physical intimacy where there is not emotional and spiritual intimacy. I do believe that acts of intimacy should be shared between people who have a permanent, monogamous relationship. Falling into bed with every person you date is sexual immorality, whether it is hetero or homosexual.

Marriage as a concept was around long before it became a religious act. In fact, it was originally conceived as a contract between adults, primarily for the sharing and combining of property. Father’s would promise their daughters in marriage to certain men in exchange for land or livestock … love was not often a consideration. The contracts were binding, whether they were blessed by a religious official or not. Modern times have changed the focus of marriage from contract to romance, and somewhere along the line, it became popular to invite God into the mix by having a priest or other religious person officiate the ceremony.

To take this contract agreement and deny same-sex couples the right to share and combine their property simply because a popularly held religious belief holds their relationships as sinful, is unfair. Our country strives, most often to its detriment, to separate church and state. In the area of same-sex marriage, consistency demands that religion have no place in the argument of combined property rights.

That having been said, I do not believe that any religious organization should be forced to recognize, nor give blessing to, a union it believes is sinful. In other words, if you are in a same-sex relationship and wish to be married, but your church does not allow it … go find a church that does. More and more open their doors and hearts daily to couples of every sexual orientation … there is no reason to stay within an organization which can not accept your sexuality.

It is my personal opinion that all judging should be done by God and God alone and not one of us still left on earth knows what His ultimate judgment will be. We are called to love one another, to treat each other as we would hope to be treated. Be the best, most loving person that you can be with the gifts God bestowed upon you, and leave judgment to the One who created us. Let those who love, LOVE.

Military Wife

The following was written about 4 years ago when my husband was retiring from the USMC. The words I wrote then are even more true today and I felt it should be shared here.

It is not often that I find the desire to wax poetic about the honor of being a military wife, but maybe the impending retirement of my husband has found me nostalgic. Not that there certainly isn’t every reason to be unbelievably proud of my unique position. It is more that I am simply not the sentimental type. This year, however, I find my heart aching with pride each time I hear the National Anthem sung. I surreptitiously wiped tears from my eyes during the Colors Ceremony at the most recent Marine Corps Ball. My husband is retiring from the US Marine Corps after 27 years of active duty service.

I have tried to tell him a few times how incredibly proud I am of his many years of selfless service to his country … my country. I have tried to relay to him my thankfulness for the work he has done that allows me to speak freely, walk without fear and worship in any way I choose. But as I have already mentioned … sentimentality is not my strong suit. So today, spurred by the intense feelings the last few months have inspired, I write those feelings left so often unsaid.

Most of my life, I have given thanks for “freedom” in an almost nonchalant manner. As Americans, this is something we simply take for granted. In another country, my tendency towards brash statements would see me jailed, or worse. In another country my son might not be given the opportunity to learn the theories of evolution and creationism. In another country, I would not be allowed to vote for the politician I think best represents my personal interests. And if I happen to not agree with the politician who IS elected, I would not be able to voice my dissatisfaction.

The United States of America is still operating with a volunteer military. That means that every man and woman who enlists in the armed forces is making a conscious choice that they are willing to lay down their life for MY freedom if it becomes necessary. Whether they enlist in the Guard, Reserves or an Active Duty service, they are saying that they believe freedom is worth any cost, even their very lives. What an incredible sacrifice to make in order to ensure that I, Christina Gagliano, can stay here and brashly state my opinion whenever I feel so moved. What unbelievable selflessness to ensure that I, Christina Gagliano, can worship any God I want, even if they don’t happen to agree with my personal choice. How fortunate am I to live in a place where men and women are willing to lay down their lives for the sake of freedom. Freedom of speech, freedom of religion, the right to peaceful assembly, the right to trial by jury, the right to defend my personal property, the right to choose my elected officials, the assurance that I will not be subjected to cruel and unusual punishment. Years ago I studied the Constitution and its amendments, but only recently has its power affected my life so profoundly.

I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to see a hero in action. I am thankful that I have watched as my Marine shipped off to a foreign country to defend the rights I take for granted. I am thankful that I will always have this incredible testimony to give my son as he grows up in a land which is increasingly more unaware of how special and unique its freedoms are. I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to know the hearts and souls of so many of our nation’s unsung heroes during my years as Marine Corps wife. I am thankful that I have been able to witness not only the sacrifice of the service members, but also that of their families. Not one is untouched by the honor and pride of being a part of this incredible family of heroes. I am thankful that I can count among my friends these brave, selfless, sacrificial people. I am staggeringly proud to be the wife of Sgt. Major Christopher Gagliano, who has faithfully and selflessly served his country for 27 years.

My hope is that you will reflect on the freedoms we enjoy as citizens of this great United States of America. That you will remember with pride and thankfulness the men and women who are serving overseas and at home to ensure that, if you so choose, you may say grace at your dinner table. I pray that your heart will swell with pride each and every time you hear the National Anthem and that you will never forget the sacrifices still being made to ensure that you live in a land of freedom.

Introductory Paragraphs

I tend to be a very opinionated person. I make no claim to be 100% right 100% of the time. I heartily acknowledge that what might be right to me is extremely wrong for someone else. However, one of my favorite things about this fantastic country I live in is my ability to state my thoughts without fear for my life.

As a citizen of these great and United States of America, I am allowed to agree or disagree with politicians, neighbors, fellow congregants, friends, family, strangers and foes. And I do. Frequently.

In fact, I am quite well known for putting my foot in my mouth (or my pen up my nose, as the case may be), saying the wrong things at exactly the wrong time. And if I am wrong, and someone points it out to me, well backed up with facts ... I have no problem admitting defeat and/or error in judgement. I enjoy learning from everyone and anyone. I believe that we all are owners of a certain amount of *truth* and look forward to any opportunity to glean some from a willing source.

I write a couple of other blogs about very specific subjects. Often times, I will be sweating away on the stair master watching CNN or ESPN and something will jump out at me that just begs for me to offer up an opinion on. I silently mouth my arguments to the screen (well, as my headphones are on, I HOPE the arguments are silent. Otherwise, I guess it would explain why people run away when they see me approaching at the gym ...) and think to myself "I must go home and write about that". However, I have not had a place to do so.

Hence, the paragraphs you see before you know. I am not intending to advertise this anywhere. If someone happens to see it, mores the merriment. This one is for me. A place to clear my head of all the little jumbled thoughts and arguments I have about pretty much everything I see and hear in our world today.

Let me finish with this little synopsis of ME:

I am Conservative, but not always Republican. I am straight, but I am not anti-gay. I am pro-life, but I am not anti-choice. I am Christian, but am fairly anti-organized religion. I hate violence, but would not hesitate to kill you if you laid a hand on my child. I believe that EVERYONE should have to work for what they have and that the church or volunteer organizations should take care of those who simply can not. The government should stay out of it. No more welfare or free rides and if you don't like it, you should move somewhere else. I believe our great country was built on the backs of immigrants possessing incredible work ethics. I have no problem with people from other countries moving here to contribute. As long as they do. Contribute, that is, work ... and follow the rules. And, oh yeah. Speak THIS countries language, don't expect the people already here to speak yours.

But I am sure those subjects and more will come up in later blogs ...